Change
A compromise between stealing and paying too much

Real Change
Only possible with a lot more change

Tax
A way for stores to pretend that things cost what they cost.

Conveyor belt 
A moving surface that continuously forces you to touch weird things that people are going to put in and on their bodies.

Scanner
A stripe connoisseur that regards your specimen as being of inferior quality 

Barcode
A repentant fingerprint 

Coins
Money that is neither magnetic nor flammable, so what fun is that?

$2 Bills
Outcast notes rejected by the bill community and forced to live with coupons