Quick question:
I bought something but didn’t follow the rules of claiming the special offer that would let me save a lot of money. Also, I used Order Pickup, and only wanted to pick up some of the items, and someone else, not listed as an alternate pickup person, will come later to get the big screen TV. He doesn’t drive, so he doesn’t have an ID. But when I bought the things I ACTIVATED the Special Savings Offer to get $20 off a qualifying purchase of $100 or more. But I didn’t read the exceptions to the policy. But I saw a sign near the TV that said something similar. So I’m wondering if I can get the deal. Also, I already paid for this, but I would like to apply for a Store Credit Card, and then use that to pay for it all and get a 5% discount on the order. I can show you the shipping stickers from the box it was delivered in. But I’d also like to return one of the things I just bought because my sister just texted me and said it’s not the right one. And I have a manufacturer’s coupon for $1 off a bottle of soap but I’m not sure if it got applied or not. I still have the coupon because the cashier gave it back to me. I believe that bleach is soap, right?  I think I’m missing a box of Triscuits too. Maybe it’s at the checklane, and I don’t know which one because I bought it four months ago so I don’t remember which one. This is the Stewardville store, right? […] Oh, can you connect me to them.

Answer:
No.

Quick question:
Hello, this is Marbrige Stauncheon Eldrige the third. I’m wondering if you sell furry pillows. […] No, not for a sofa. Pillows for a bed, but furry. […] No, not like animal print, but like it’s made out of fur. You know, like a Wild West pillow, but without the tassels. […] Like a hotel pillow. Not like a rug, but it has some fiber heft to it, you know. […] Oh, well probably white. Not bright white, but not exactly cream either. I’d say a medium white. Oh, and I’d prefer one with brocade, but if you don’t have that that’s okay. […] So there’s no way you can find out if you have one? […] Well can you save one for me if you find it? […] So there’s nothing you can do? […] And who am I speaking with?

Answer:
Pete. Pete at Pete’s Pillow Paradise.

Quick question:
I bought 48 pairs of pajamas, twelve each of four different sizes, in anticipation of some kind of epic Christmas morning performance piece that would fuel unique individual nightmares for weeks for most reasonable people. My children chose the ones that fit them, which means that I don’t need the twelve ones that don’t fit them. My neighbors told me their sizes, so I assumed they fit them. And all the family from out of town will need to try on their pajamas on Christmas Eve…Except, it turns out that none of my family can come for Christmas, which is SO SAD because I had just told them about the new pajama tradition and we all agreed how fun it would be. But I guess they got a text about some new work policy about holidays, actually while we were talking. Kind of surprising. So now nobody’s coming. I’m going to let my neighbors keep their pajamas. They wouldn’t answer the phone so I couldn’t get them back. My kids can wear the ones from last year anyway. So, can I return 46 pairs of pajamas? I cut the tags off, but I brought them back.

Answer:
Sigh. Yes.

Quick question:
If I order a shirt, but I’m not sure whether I should get large or extra large, and if I pick up the order at the store and then try on the two shirts at home to figure out which one fits, then I can return the one that is the wrong size, right? And returning it is no big deal because it’s just one shirt, right? […] It takes two people to pull it and bring it to me? Wow. What happens to the returned shirt? […] It takes two people to physically get the shirt back out on the floor?! Wow, that’s four people! And if I had tried on the shirts in the dressing room and simply selected the one I wanted…? [..] That’s really interesting! I really love ordering online! Let your boss know how great this service is!

Answer:
I will make sure they know.

Quick question:
I’m sorry to be a pain by showing up in person and not calling on the phone! I have one item to return. Here is my receipt, and I’m already logged into the app ahead of time in case there’s some unforeseen issue. My phone’s done the whole face scan thing and everything. I bought this hammer two days ago. It is the only item I purchased. I have not used it because I worked through my anger issues in an alternate way. I paid using a single credit card, and did not receive any deals or discounts. I am hoping to get the refund back on a gift card, or possibly my original payment card, or faction rep. I’m sorry to be a pain!

Answer:
You are an NCP, but I love you.

Quick question:
Meat department!

Answer:
First, learn some manners. Second, what store in 2024 is old fashioned enough to have employees in individual sections at tiny checkout desks? Third, what store is that old fashioned, and yet also has dozens of phones throughout the store so you can be transferred to those desks directly? What do you think, that this is London in 1968 equipped with transdimensional IP phones? Fourth, you and I both know your question for the meat department is exceptionally basic, like “Do you carry 85/15 hamburger in 5-pound tubes?” so just lay it on me and let’s be done with this charade.