Tag Archives: bathroom

Retail Vocabulary: Daily Issues

Professional
A state of being exemplified by detachment from common emotions, an unwillingness to discuss issues with roots outside the scope of money, often accompanied by deceit, greed, and a diminished capacity for focus on details. [See Sociopathology]

Inappropriate
Attire capable of seducing or offending a customer, or both simultaneously, is generally regarded as inappropriate, especially when described in writing. Inappropriate clothing should absolutely be worn when shopping on your day off.

Goal
An arbitrary construct which can easily be modified, despite leader’s claims to the contrary. Because dude, unless you’re trying to save people trapped in a well, then you and your vision just need to chill.

Promotion
A method used to entice someone to do something not fun, such as changing their phone plan, or reprimanding Merideth for doing that thing where she mixes up all the bills in the register, that’s not really a big deal, but come on.

Schedule
A formalized method for allowing people the time they need to do things they don’t want to do.

Microwave
A device used by amateur CSI enthusiasts to research medium velocity soup splatter. 

Retail Vocabulary: Locations

Bathroom
A coveted room that is semi desperately needed all day long, except when resenting that it was assigned to you for cleaning. 

Break room
A basic break room will feature sticky counters and a refrigerator half full of molding leftovers. 

A fancy break room may feature a TV playing the most annoying fucking shit ever to come out of Burbank, at a volume that competes with municipal weather alert sirens; and a refrigerator half full of molding leftovers. 

An executive break room is located at the airport, and requires some kind of stupid credit card to be granted admittance. Food in these locations is expensive and served in modest portions, resulting in few leftovers, which are put into the trash and only allowed to mold off premises.

Meeting Room
A dangerous closed space in which crisply clothed khaki goblins battle for control over the souls of the subjugated. Meetings in which tiny sandwiches are provided should be approached with suspicion.