Or, how to express things to insure proper understanding of the message

• Sympathy card: Avoid cisgender pronouns unless their mother’s preference is known.
• Note of encouragement from regional manager: When sincere, wording should be short and terse, accompanied by donuts. If insincere, a rhyming cadence with copious exclamation marks is preferred.
• Missing bread: Write accusatory statement in red ink, circle five times, and use twelve exclamation marks.
• Where to store supplies: 1-3 exclamation marks at the end of each sentence (the same for each)
• Signing up for cleaning shift: Any arrival or departure times after midnight or before 4 am should be double underlined.
• Inventory procedures: Question marks strongly discouraged.
• Notes about back stock: Should be formatted like a bulleted list, but without bullets.
• Public notices about continuing worldwide plague, requesting minimal compliance to commonly accepted safety standards: Convey a sense of normalcy by using periods. Notices can be made more calming with the addition of commas.
• Dayforce message from person you have never heard of, asking everyone to do the important things they have already been doing for a while, reiterating that the important things are important: No type of grammar makes this acceptable.
• Name on locker, drawer, cabinet, backpack: Stars and curlicues acceptable.
• Labels for different parts of refrigerator: Bold word “PLEASE” underlined five times, circled, followed by 16 exclamation marks and a smiley face.
• Demo signs: All that’s important is that you write is using neon colors.
• Lettuce Recall sign: Generally speaking, in this situation any additional punctuation will cause fear. Run on sentences okay.
• Presidential thought bubble drawn on bills: Anything goes
• Mate reviews: Nobody reads these anyway so write whatever you want.
• Shopping list: Spice it up by using the past participle tense.
• Qty limit purchases signs: The people who need to see these will ignore them, so they are unnecessary.