Don’t say this. You’ve been warned.

• Ran out of Post-It notes.
• Need to snack. (Possibly defensible for a limited period of time.)
• Tried dividing by zero.
• Fortune cookie hinted at a non-optimal day.
• Tequila.
• Mercury in retrograde.
• Rob said it’s probably cool to stay home.
• Why do you need a reason?
• Made a million bucks today from everyone else’s labor and just want to kick back in Bermuda for a while, okay?
• Livestream cannot be rescheduled.
• PTSD caused by harassment not defined as harassment.
• Overdosed on Altoids, suffering from acute freshness.
• Ran out of ink and can’t print resume so need  to go print it at FedEx and I’ll probably be about 45 minutes late.
• Drunk, but in my defense I didn’t know it was daytime.
• Don’t believe in the permanence of time.
• Experiencing quantum entanglement with sofa.
• Accidentally don’t want to work today.