If your reason is bad, then use one of these instead

• Think you have flu, cold, COVID-19, tuberculosis, chicken pox, shingles, mononucleosis, malaria, dengue, yellow fever, polio (solid documentation required), allergies from hell, nondescript fever, rash, uncontrolled sweating, diarrhea, vomiting air.
• Broke glasses, waiting on appointment.
• Fell, things hurt, waiting on appointment.
• Total bullshit, bail not yet posted. (Use as last resort.)
• Burned by scalding coffee while making good faith effort to prepare for day at work.
• You are the Statue of Liberty and you can’t move.
• Although you are covered in blood, you are not guilty.
• Still haven’t finished spending previous paycheck, so okay for now.
• Thirsty for the joy of life! (French citizens only)
• Rioting/road work near house
• They have not yet received the ransom! What are you doing about the ransom!
• Undercover investigation is complete.
• Pedestrian stuck in wheel well.
• You are the CEO of any goddamn company in America and you can do whatever the hell you want and nobody can do a damn thing about it.
• Partner flipped the fuck out. Need to protect possessions/life.
• Mother in law trapped in cellar, but if I move she’ll get out.
• Waitress hasn’t brought change or a box for the hashbrowns.
• Already called during my lucid dream
• Bee swarm
• Something awful on carpet that needs to be cleaned immediately
• Tree fell on house.
• Meteorite fell on house.
• ISS fell on house.
• Volcanic activity
• I let 911 services know why I didn’t want to go to work and now I’m face down on my rug with a knee on my neck.
• Breakdown of government infrastructure
• Collapse of society
• Delaware no longer providing tax advantages to corporations, so mumble mumble mumble mumble something about your bank. (Be prepared to present supporting documentation.)