How to Avoid Trouble While Drunk in the Store

Lists
  • Don’t be drunk in the store.
  • If the bathroom is available, use that instead of pissing your pants.
  • Double-check your schedule, because you may not even be working and you should leave immediately. Or, if you are scheduled to work at this time, then you should also leave immediately. It is also your prerogative to make worse decisions.
  • Your elaborate plan to get a refund for something you didn’t buy is less feasible than you think.
  • Suck a steady supply of breath mints to cover up for your slurred speech. Or claim you just had a root canal.
  • Don’t be the Captain.
  • Carts can have a stabilizing influence. Use one even if you don’t really plan to buy much.
  • If you have a choice, avoid working glass items.
  • Don’t touch anyone.
  • Ask yourself, are people going to remember what you’re doing? If the answer is yes, stop doing that thing.
  • Don’t scream obscenities, and in general just don’t scream.
  • If you are merely suffering from a nuclear hangover, resist the urge to demean the character of Vodka of the Gods in front of customers.