Things to Try

Lists
  • Choose a different name as a proactive step toward slowing the proliferation of Sarahs.
  • Order less saffron.
  • Come clean about your involvement in the Great Champs Elysées Rotation Scandal of 2020.
  • Issue a dissenting opinion concerning the monthly fridge cleaning policy.
  • Clock back in from lunch on time. Try it once to see how it feels.
  • Park right up front. Enter the store wearing a sequined vest, lavender suede shoes, and fedora sporting a 2-foot-long pheasant feather. (Licensed drivers only.)
  • Learn to be more self-sufficient and rely less on others for emotional support by treating everyone around you horribly, and generally being a selfish weasel, making them unwilling to speak to you.
  • Take one for the team by cleaning all that dust out from behind the bags.
  • Share the eggs. Go ahead, do it. You’re not really that busy are you?
  • Increase your product knowledge, familiarity with the return process.
  • What happens when you vacuum up a blueberry? Find out.
  • Make a mental note after cleaning out your pants pockets to bring the key to the paper towels dispenser back to work.
  • Spend more time perfecting your Ariana Grande impression to avoid a repeat of the lukewarm reception tonight’s intercom performance received.
  • Jazz up your huddle notes.
  • Be straight with your customers when they ask probing questions about tahini.
  • Bring home the box you put in the break room that’s in everyone’s way.
  • Carry a copy of your CV with you at all times, in case you meet a customer looking for an intern.
  • Shake up your stale routine! Find a new place to hide when checking your phone.
  • Spellcheck your notes in the Captain’s Log.
  • Take down the customer’s name and phone number when writing a hold request, so you can call them from time to time to see how things are working out with all that Hatch Chile Mac & Cheese.
  • You don’t have to wait for the company to decide your future. Enroll in a Big Joe operator certification course on your own.
  • Steal one Sharpie a week, unless you have anything better to do.
  • Try trying to try.
  • Learn to recognize the warning signs of Cookie Butter dependence.