There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you can’t find something. Here are some quick tips to get you started.

Speak loudly enough for the person to hear you. For instance, try imagining that you are talking to someone who is as far from you as the person you want to speak with, and speak loudly enough for that person to hear you. If they don’t seem to react to the sound of your voice, then try using a louder voice. You may want to practice this in a safe place by yourself before going into a real store. Although it may be tempting, don’t play the “feeble old lady who doesn’t understand how acoustics or social interactions work” card. Everyone will be annoyed, and like c’mon, our ancestors have been doing this for like a million years! You’re not fooling us. Having people hear you can be scary, but the communication might be worth it.

Sometimes it can be challenging to understand people speaking through a mask. To minimize frustration, experts recommend using real words, and if possible not being super drunk. A handy rule of thumb is to pretend that the person you are talking to doesn’t already know ahead of time what you are saying, so they might need to rely on hearing the sounds you are using to make word shapes in the air. If those word shapes are weird or blurry, then maybe go sleep in your car for a while until you sober up, or go stand in front of a mirror to practice moving your lips to form sounds. Stick with it! If elected officials can do it, so can you!

Ask about real things that exist and are not complete imaginary fairy dust magic. It’s okay to keep it simple! You could say, “I need eggs,” and see what happens. Or even something complex like, “I want to make a soup with beans, and some kind of meat, and veggies I guess, but I don’t know where to start.” Store personnel are extensively trained to field questions like these.  But they are not trained for requests like, “Where is the squeaky sauce? Also, I need those balloon grapes.” Nobody will know what you are talking about. Because you are batshit crazy. Keep those things inside your head if possible.

If you’re asking how to find something that you are standing literally right in front of…you know what, that’s totally okay. We’ve all done it, so don’t sweat it. It’s just groceries. We’re not saving people from a collapsed coal mine. If anybody at the store says anything bad about you then they need to get their own house in order first and zip their lips. They are constantly doing stupid things, and even breaking stuff. Do they feel bad? No, and you shouldn’t either.

Although in a strict Freudian therapeutic setting people will sometimes talk to people who are behind them and completely out of sight, common social conventions suggest that discussions with people who can see that you are talking to them are particularly successful. If the person you want to speak to cannot see you, consider using an opening such as, “Excuse me…” or even the more casual, “Hi…” A question, or implied question, works best. If you only say, “the rice pasta,” or “Cookies, cookies, oh, jackfruit,” they won’t know you are trying to talk to them, because only people who are loopy from breathing the fumes wafting up from the gasoline they spilled on their pants will grammatically fail like that. To recap: When in doubt, use full sentences that are questions, and stand within view of the person you’re talking to.

People at the store may even want to communicate with you! Sometimes stores close, just for the day, not forever. Usually this happens after dark. It seems strange, but have you ever been driving at night and seen a gas station that had it’s lights off? That’s because it was closed. Gas stations stay open way later than most grocery stores. If you’re in a store and you seem to be the only customer, ask yourself, “When I leave here, can I get gas at my usual gas station, or might I have to go to one by the interstate that is open 24 hours?” If you might have to go to the interstate, and if the store you’re in is not a 24-hour store, then you may be shopping in a closed store. You’re probably the last customer, and they want you to leave. All the other people in the store, the workers, they resent you. You might also infer the store is closed by how extremely helpful the staff get. They REALLY want to help you find what you need. If you need to be in the store more than an additional 3 minutes then you should make up a story about your friend having cancer and you’re putting together a care package. You don’t have to cry, but apologize really a whole lot and don’t try to make a lot of sense. If you do not do this, and you spend another 10 minutes lazily browsing the aisles, then you’ll be cursed, and when you die your soul will have to answer to Ingmar Skarsgård, Director of Retail Operations for Valhalla, who frankly doesn’t give a shit that you couldn’t decide on a cheese for your charcuterie board. He will be pissed. You’ll be totally fucked. It’s not worth it.