Form PAN0016: Rest Break Only
If a customer wishes to skip the line because they only need to use the restroom, have them read and initial the terms of service and point out that if they do any shopping they will be held vaguely liable for undetermined damages, up to and including refusal to sell any seasonal items to them.

Form RG0266: Loose Change Auth
Waiver of compensation for injury stemming from customer’s insistence to pay $2.66 in coins they claim are randomly distributed within their bag somewhere, while four customers with full carts are waiting behind them. If it is after dark make sure that they check the box which states “I understand that I may be pummeled to death in the parking lot by my fellow shoppers.” If they have questions about this, ring a three bell.

Form TJ0001: Retail Anguish
Acknowledgement that the customer drove one hour to buy the one special thing that has been discontinued without bothering to call ahead to find out if you had it. After they initial the page, make a photocopy of the document and circle their initials with a highlighter, before sending it home with them so they will always have a record of this. Don’t just drop it in their bag. Hand it to them.

Form TJ303: Indication of Hatred
If a customer is very angry with you for things beyond your control that corporate has mandated, then work with them to file this form. Encourage them to write the specific issues in the space provided. Please make sure they indicate their anger level (1–5) and if they feel particularly wronged they can check the box labeled “Indignant”. Take them to a quiet place in the store to discuss the triggers of this anger response, and if the outcome is as bad as they forecasted. Check in again after ten minutes to have the customer rate their anger level, which should be lower after this mindfulness exercise. Let them keep the form, and assign them homework to complete the anger management worksheet on the back side.